So, that's all well and good, my current philosophy.  How it shapes my material lowercase-r reality?  Much less idealistic.  Matter is hard to shove around.  Ideas fly hard and fast, but the material plane is stodgy and slow moving.  Recognizing where the pain is coming from, where the stress is originating, that's what needed to be done. I had to write it all out.  It came from that no-mind deep inside me, and even reading it over, I can't quite explain it.  I know.  Now I can apply it to this plane of existence, and start shaping my life a little better.  Till yesterday, I was sinking.  I may not be quite swimming, but at least I've stopped panicking enough to look around and figure shit out.

Something else that matters- I didn't choose this path.  My reality is killing my idols, shredding my safety nets, and pushing me forward.  It's ugly, stressful, messy.  Like giving birth.  I didn't enter into this consciously.  It just is.  Once I recognize it and attempt to explain it, now I can figure out this whole new mindset.

Irv has a wonderfully simple third person perspective.  He shrugs.  He reminds me that as long as he's known me, I've done things like this.  Moving on and up.  He says "you're always collecting new ideas and experiences, and using them to better yourself, how is this any different?"  It isn't.  Just, my navigational tools must come from inside. I can't, right now, rely on other's teachings, or symbols, or whatever, to get me through. There is no magic pill.  I can find comfort in the old terminology and systems, sure, but I can't rely on it.

Luiz, as predicted, is terrified.  He read half of Principia Discordia and determined that it was bullshit.  That's ok, like I keep telling him, it's not for him.  Unfortunately, in reading yesterday's whole explosion, he caught some terminology he disagreed with and kept using the term "bullshit" in relation to my writing.  That discordia is bullshit, or that now all of a sudden I think all the old teachings are bullshit.

That's something he really doesn't get, about me.  I have never looked back and been embarrassed at my path. Same with writing. I look down through the years at writing even as far back as 20 years ago. Spiritual beliefs  as far as I can remember, and I never say "That's such a mess! I am not the person I WAS back then!"  Which is more his style of continuously reinventing himself.  I just add.