First, listen to the song.  Read the lyrics while you're listening.  I mean it.  The song's epic, but that's not why I'm writing about it.

Bother to do that, and you'll learn a lot about me.  This is the song I listened to every single day, for three or four years straight.  I needed it.  I'd listen to it as I was putting on makeup to go out, or in my car on my way somewhere.  Always top volume, always singing along.  Those were very good years!

Maybe it's not "me" the way you know me, but it's the "me" I want to display.  It's my armor.  It's the aura  I wish to project.  It was the transition of "jeans and teeshirts" to "leather and chains". I mentioned something to Luiz the other day, without really thinking about it too hard.  I gestured to a picture I keep on my desk of myself at 16, my little brother and my little cousin. I said "That's more like me now than when I was 18"  Meaning, that was before I took on some mantle, before I started disguising myself.  When I started dressing some "part" and cloaking myself in the trappings of...whatever it is I was going for... I felt well and truly great, going out the door, in public.  I never feared new situations. I never hesitated to walk into a crowded room.

Since I've let that fall away, I'm becoming more paralyzed in the face of society.  I hate new situations, I hate crowds, I always feel like everyone's staring at me, I feel constantly self conscious.

Taking some steps, in my life, now that I'm mobile again and this whole crippled-tendon thing is moving behind me.  Taking steps to craft myself again, regain confidence, put things in my body that make me feel good (nutrients, cock, piercings) and on my body (good make up, good clothes, tattooes) to start back down the path of having very good days, every day.

For about the past year-year and a half, I've been in a funk. I'm aware of it. I've been aware of it, and I'm taking initiative to turn it around, now.

This song makes me feel invincible, invisible, impossible, and empowered.  It's who I was, and who I always wanted to be, and who I still am.  I'm adding it to my "leaving the house" playlist.  It fills me with life beyond just life.  I feel the seeds of my divine will grow and sprout when I listen to this song. The power that lies dormant at my center expands, and fills me, radiating outward, and hopefully past my skin.

Some part of me falls asleep, once in awhile, and I don't notice it till it wakes up again.  I'm having one of those phases, where it's waking up and getting antsy again.  The creative productive forceful part of me.  The driver of the Chariot.  This is what plays in her car stereo.