At the Manowar show, last night, something weird happened.  During the intense show, the wellspring of energy and emotions, the rocking the fuck out, I had a moment of profound, shocking sadness.  One of my old heart's wounds tore wide open momentarily, and I was overcome with sadness about Tom.  It's been 10 years, and he's still on my mind, though in a softer fuzzy "remembering the good times" kind of way.  He shows up occasionally in dreams, but that's mostly about it.  I'm no Leah.

Anyway, during the song Battle Hymns, I had instant recall to the first time I saw Manowar, in 1996, and how he was there, strong and soft at my back.  That thought led to the inevitable "and never again" which has always been the theme of my mourning him, I guess. He had such wide and varied interest in the world, I often see things that he'd love and feel pangs, that he's not around to enjoy it. Certain songs, stunning blue autumn days, bits of technology, documentaries, new books, new gaming stuff, certain foods, particularly witty humor.  Weird random shit like that.

I burst into tears.  During Battle Hymns.  Not even polite moist eye mistiness, but stormy silent sobs.  No one saw me, of course, but it took me a few minutes to regain myself.  I was fine soon after, and I don't know what triggered it.  It's out of character, and I chalk it up to the catharsis of a good show, after months of stress, pain and bullshit, as well as the Tom related things, like the band and the time of year.  I think about him more in the late fall, which always, to me, punctuated our best moments.