So,  this happened today.  Alden decided it was time for a hair cut.  We cut off about a foot, now it's sort of chin length, and I shaved it into a mohawk for him.  He's donating that glorious braid to Locks of Love.  Some little kid is going to be over the rainbow about that gorgeous red hair.

Yeah.  It was fairly emotional, but once the braid went, things were smooth sailing.  Love that boy.  He's been home for Easter break, and pretty much hanging around me all the time, and I'm not at all sick of him.  This summer is going to be rough for both of us, more for me than him, but we'll both grow.  He is getting cooler, and more mature by the day.

We had a frank talk about sexuality, the other day, and it was so nonchalant, yet...I don't know, important?  That's not quite the word.  Anyway, we were talking about how people use homosexual slurs as name calling, like it's derogatory.  I explained my theory that most people who are homophobic, past the level of just normal ignorance, have never stared at themselves, and their whole lives, and said "do I like the same sex?  Could I?  Is it possible?  Just who am I really attracted to, anyway?"  Then to come up with a definitive answer, or not. Many people, adults and all, are afraid of that sort of naked evaluation, and never honestly ask that question, and then live in fear of it for their whole lives.  Fearing latent feelings in themselves, fearing what other people, society might think.

It's not coming through well, in text, but the conversation flowed easily.  He surprised me by saying, "I think I know what you mean.  I asked myself that, and honestly, I don't know.  I like girls and I like boys."  So, that.  I reassured him that 13 is plenty young, and even if he never decided, that's fine too.  When kids are young, sexuality is elastic, and I was inwardly proud of him for being cool with himself to just come right out and say it.  I was pretty happy we have that kind of dialogue, too.  I also let him know that I didn't really know either, but that I met his father and fell in love with him, and that is what it is.  If Irv's starstuff, his essence, his wonderfulness was in a woman, then that.  For me, love doesn't hang on gender.  Love is love.  I think Alden's kinda the same way, for now at least.

This weather is murdering my foot, and my sense of drive.  It's forty fucking degrees!  FORTY.   I got up at 5, realized it was fucking pouring (and forty degrees...).  Further realized my foot was thrumming right along with the rain drumming on the roof.  Went back to sleep.

Fuck.

Dug out the belly dance video. I've been watching and sort of swaying along with some on Youtube.  Today, I actually did it.  I think I realize, now why I always feel like an enormous failure. The one I have just kinda plunges you right into dancing.  No warmups! No stretching!  No opening your form, and flowing.  Just...you're standing there, and then you start hip circling.  Then, about 15 minutes of hip dropping, torso whatever, shimmying,I get a major stitch, and quit.  It feels good, conceptually, but I'm durrin it wrong.  I wish I were more coordinated. I can fuck like amazeballs, I can pound and sway and shimmy and do it to some primal rhythm all day...till someone sets it to music, then I look like I'm trying to shake toilet paper off my ass.

Today, with the help of some Youtube videos, I had a better time of things.  Only, with all the pivoting, The Tendon started burning, so I quit fast.  When the pain lets up, I'm going to do my little medicine ball twisty routine.  That always makes me feel like I did something.

Right now, I'm freezing ass cold, fighting to stay awake. No real motivation except to play some old school video games and maybe take a nap, when I inevitably drift off hitting the attack button.