...like you don't get it.  When I say "my inner 16 year old is activated", I mean, I just had this specific moment.

All those times we talked on the phone all evening, you were baked hanging out in front of the TV, and I was dancing around my bedroom to get ready to go out.  Because you were ready in a second, and it took me hours to get ready to go.  So, there we were, all those evenings, on the phone.  Me listening to music I know you hate, with a streak of guilt, in one headphone so you wouldn't overhear it on your end of the line.  Just talking about nothing.  Listening to the low rumble of your voice and just being so deliriously happy that you were taking the time to talk to me.  Hanging on your every word.  Trying to play it cool, because, fuck that, we're just friends.  Plus, chances are, I was getting ready to go out with someone else, some boyfriend.  Who I always wished was you, but  whatever.  I always felt charged with emotion, loving you, being excited about my plans for the night.

It just happened.  I recaptured the exact pitch of emotion, the exact feeling, texting you, getting ready for later, putting on makeup, listening to really horrid dance music cranked up to 12.  I was fucking 16 again.  I love you now as much as I loved you then.  You still jolt me the same way as 20 years ago.  It hasn't softened.  It hasn't diminished.