Uneasy Alliance

I am watching a documentary about emotions and human connections.  There was a phrase that said "friendships are an uneasy alliance"  Can I get a hell yeah?  Outside of the people I live with, these people in my house....I feel like all of my friendships are like that, even my oldest most treasured friends.

I think, partially, it's because I cleave to outgoing gregarious types.  I am not these things.  I enjoy listening, soaking in, and hearing people talk, so I like when others dominate the conversation.  It's a double edged sword, though. I lose my identity, in relationships like that.  I always feel awkward and uneasy, when I spend an extended amount of time with anyone outside my family. Always.  Even if we're having the best time, laughing, whatever, I always get a little weird, shy, isolated, awkward feeling.  A lot of people I consider close friends, some people that have known me for a long time don't *really* know me.  I hate gatherings and groups, parties. 

Having Irv, Luiz, and Alden around helps, if any one of them is with me (or preferably all of em) I can cope better, in unfamiliar surroundings. This isn't good, though, because trying new things, going places, being around people sort of scares me. Hell, not sort of. It's almost debilitating.