Hoooolyfuck.

I had a panic attack this morning, and missed work.  I'm glad my job is not like your job, where stuff like that would be a black mark.

I was running late, and sort of frazzled, I forgot my car was out of gas, so I treated it like a typical morning, aiming to leave around 20 after.  Around quarter after, I remembered to check my sugar, and that's when I lost my mind. It came up at 388.  I had an immediate anxiety attack, my chest got heavy, my heart started pounding, Floaters appeared in front of my eyes.  THREE EIGHTY EIGHT.  My gut wrench reaction was to call my diabetes specialist, but I didn't.  First I had to calm down, and get ahold of myself.  All these scenarios are rushing through my head.  I forced myself to wash my hands, stop and think.  Have I eaten anything bad lately? Not really.  I had a beer last night, and a piece of white chocolate. This must mean I'm really sick all of a sudden, I've heard of that, people's pancreas's just totally crapping out.  I finished washing my hands well, and thought to try again, maybe it was a glitch or something.  Holyfuck.  I cleaned very well with alcohol, let it air dry, leaving nothing to chance, and took blood from the other hand.  110.  Normal.  Thank fucking god.

By then, I'd realized that it was 9:28, and not even calling in would help.

It was a real, serious scare.  You know, I live with this shit every day, and I take my pills, eat right-ish, and stay right on target.  Something like this, even though it was a mechanical glitch, was a real slap in the face. I mean, the number was astronomical.  Sort of fucked my whole day up.

I don't know if it's a result of the massive anxiety attack this morning, or what, but I haven't felt right all day.  I've had a weird headache, and like pressure in my head, like I have an ear infection, but without ear pain.  Or like I'm constantly in need of popping my ears, but they won't.  My vision has been a little wonky, too.

I'll be fine, I'm putting it behind me, not gonna make a fuss.  I told Irv, just so he knows I skipped work, and doesn't get pissy that I forgot the bank (because I totally did, till just now).