So, my misgivings were for naught. We went to Phil and Danielle's wedding, and it was a great thing. The first person I saw, going in the place was Phil standing outside and getting air, and the first thing he said to me, before even "hi" was "Lisa, seriously, I've been joking. It's irony or something, don't worry, I'm doing great." And seeing him face to face, I believe it. Sometimes, I just have to see people to understand, and seeing them yesterday, I finally understand.
I have worried about Phil giving up his identity. That's been my prime worry, that Phil's become so much "Danielle's Husband" that he's swapping his general Philness for it. As I see him yesterday, in that role, rising to it, being her rock, her comforting steadfast husband, I realized...this is what he needs. He needs to be needed, and for as much as she bosses him around, she really truly needs him. It's not a loss of identity, it's a change, and don't we all change when we get married? It's stepping from one place, one less mature, more self centered, place, into an identity where you're part of a whole working active thing. I think he had a lot of parts missing or not fully developed, in his psyche, even moreso since his mother passed, and moving into this stage of life has helped him develop and fill these hollows.
I had a lot more thoughts on this, when I woke up this morning, but generally puttering around the house, making soup, doing laundry, and playing with the pets has somewhat dimmed my original epiphanies. Suffice to say, going to the wedding, seeing the two of them, and (most of) the family come together, feeling the vibes...left me very happy for the couple, indeed.
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