Timebomb Meltdown

After that post, we met our friend Jon at the bar. I was a little high, and starting to get drunk.  I was happy to see him, but it's not really my crowd, so I sat fussing with my iThing while Irv joked and talked. Oh, and I was drinking, hard and fast. Irv made me eat something to slow down.  I was chatting with Todd, and convinced him to join me, so he came all the way from South River.  Good guy.  As an aside, he's the platonic dude friend I need.  He can show up and hang out at the drop of a dime, is unjudgemental, cool, intelligent, artistic and can drink me under the table.  Easy on the eyes, too.  Anyway, he turns up and my night is improved a hundred percent.  But, when there's Todd, there's shots.  To make a long story short, and this is why I value the guy so much, I had a major meltdown, and he didn't so much as bat an eye.

We had a jolly time, me and Todd, drinking, sharing secrets, talking shit about the strangers at the bar, scoping out the women.  Irv was having a blast with Jon and that whole crowd. I thought for a bit that things were getting better.  We left on a high.  Then I kept drinking.  Till I puked in the yard.  Then I kept going. Till Irv somehow broke our entire handle of Jim Beam on the table.  Apparently, it got all over me, and I locked myself in the laundry room having a temper tantrum, screaming and crying.  This I don't remember at all. I threatened to walk across the house naked.  Luiz, apparently had to hold me, naked, wrapped in a shawl, so I wouldn't go staggering out into public.  They got me into one of my many sundresses, and that's all I remember....and apparently, I kept going with Fireball.  I have no recollection of most of that, besides fuzzy shutterclicks. Total fucking meltdown.  I woke up feeling like hot death in a mug.  I just opened my eyes. and wanted to burst into tears.  Irv laid in bed with me, all morning, rubbing my back and patting me. Luiz joined in, and for an hour I was in heaven, but felt too fucking grey and drawn out to appreciate it.  My guys holding me, talking me through...whatever.  Irv said I looked like I just wanted to find a corner and curl up to cry.  He nailed it. I still feel like that.

I shouldn't have drank.  I should have stuck to the greens.  I still need therapy, I think.  I feel better than yesterday, but only because my whole day was spent moving slowly, avoiding people, sleeping.  I've been verging on tears the whole day.  I feel the moisture sitting heavy in my lower lids, as I type this. If I blink hard, they'll spill.

My week starts tomorrow, but at least I'm easing into it, spending time with Michele.  One of the few people I can stand for more than ten minutes at a clip right now.