I used to long for a block of time to just play whatever game, or do nothing at all.  The idea of it always played in the back of my head, like a reel.  I felt like because that's what I wanted, in reality, it meant I was so gosh darn lazy.   I went to work, shopped, cleaned the house, helped Alden with homework, cooked dinner, cleaned more... all the while thinking "I just wish I was sitting, I must be the laziest person alive, all I want to do is play that game or read my book."  Looking back with that 20/20 hindsight, I realize it was my mother's daily litany echoing through my adult mind, as singsongy as she ever used to be-  "L is for Lisa and L is for Lazy.  LazylazyLisa."  Which, as I'm beginning to understand is patently untrue.  Shut the fuck up, demons.

I long for the ability to run around and do stuff like I used to.  I think...deep down, I long for choice.  When I was always busy taking care of my daily domestic duties, I wished I could choose to throw it all off and pursue my pursuits...which sometimes, meant planting my ass and playing some mindless game for hours at a clip, since that was the foreign thing.  Now, I really ache to run around, fucking clean the house, walk the dogs around the block, drive to the grocery store, and instead, I'm forced onto my ass.  It's also woken me up, to my true nature.  Now, when "LazyLisa", to coin my mother's endearing phrase, is really and truly being inactive, I. Go. Insane.  This forced inactivity is way more crazymaking than my old routine "crazy" days.