Dots of thoughts

• I love how the most deeply emotionally damaged people I know are the ones that think that they're absolutely normal, and everyone else around them is fucked up.  It seems like the further down the spectrum of fucked up, we get, the deeper the inverse.  It takes a really nuts and bolts totally sane and rational person to admit that they're fucked up.
• I'm so into this Henry Miller book.  Crazy Cock.  It doesn't hurt that we went to Webster Hall this past week, which used to be in the same neighborhood. I was checking out old pictures from the place, of drag shows in the 20s.  Enchanting. I feel like I visited a slice of history.
• Chris loaned me a book, Earth Abides, and I'm also quite psyched about reading it.  He's mostly into sci fi, so at first, I was like "ookaaay friend, I'll read this because you want me to..." but it's not sci fi, and it's awesome, and it's sitting on my nightstand waiting for me right now.  I love when I have good reading planned for months ahead. (Not that I dislike any genre, per se, but I do have things I seek out, and I go through "moods" when I read stuff.")
• Getting nervouser about the review "mandatory meeting" with Jeff on Friday.  My nose was a little stuffy this morning, because I think Bella was sprawled on my face last night, and I was paranoid that I couldn't smell a few jars.
• Less nervous about the foot thing.  Irv has been way better, he's been booking things for us to do all during the month of November, stuff that's going to be epic, like the Anthrax show, the Manowar show, and Asbury's beerfest.  I feel like when I have that to look forward to, I can look past the actual surgery and look forward to good things to come after.  The lollipop always DID help after the doctor visit.  Well, less nervous till I think about it directly, then the nightsweats start again.
• Still not talking to my mother.  She keeps poking me on Facebook, for whatever reason. I poke her back.  Not angry, just for a total loss of words, I don't breach.  I sort of brought it up in a sweeping note to my dad, but he didn't even acknowledge that part of the note, so whatever.  
• Luiz's computer is finally back, and after a day of futzing with it, fixed, so maybe he'll be human again.   Woops.  The machine just died as I typed that.  Back to being a dick.  
• I love hanging out with Michele.  Even a simple day of Red Bank, cupcakes and tacos, and I feel soulfully refreshed.
• The weekend was equally pleasing, though way more chaotic.  I did have some serious anxieties at Leah's party.  Too many people packed into a room. I felt trapped, because I couldn't suavely get up, without sticking my ass in someone's face, or wobbling into someone's little plate of appetizers.  Then I had my usual "No one wants to talk to the sweating fatty on the edge of the couch, everyone's staring at me, and I am so out of place here" set of thoughts/feelings.  I got over my stupid self and managed to have an alright time, even though I really was woefully out of place, and no one really did talk to me, except the party rep, and she was cool as hell.  Definitely had a better time gaming, and hanging out in the morning, in spite of the five hours of loud, shiteous morose formulaic radio-acceptable pop "rock" music that I hated in the 90's and hate even more now.  Bad music just infuriates me. There's no reason for it, not when there's so much good stuff out there.