[6]  I don't generally sit to write like this, but I'm on a tear.  I did a huge cathartic bunch of writing today. The medicinal kind.  If it doesn't fix anything else, just the putting it out will fix my heart and answer my questions.

I must be fine now, because I'm watching darkwave videos and my skin feels slightly carbonated. Sisters of Mercy reminds me of the best time I ever had in my life, being ignored.  I think about that time a lot, because this time of year is when it hit it's inevitable and violent turn.

I looked through all the bands in my iTunes. Studied each band thinking if that was the direction I wanted to take tonight.  I wanted Steve Earle, I have to take a break from that album. I keep hovering over it, and deciding against it.  I'm obsessing some.  I hope it doesn't become some tragic soundtrack in my life like Sisters.  So, I went Peter Murphy.  His sound is so acidic and acerbic it'll shatter anything clean, sterile even.  Peter Murphy leads to Bauhaus leads to Sisters of Mercy.  Why am I so maudlin all of a sudden?

I haven't done this since Saturday.  Sunday I couldn't even. I would have thrown myself into the bay.  Monday I was too busy freaking out for Tuesday, the elections. Tuesday, the elections, and I was passed out by 10:30 on the couch.  So, tonight.  I'm glad of it tonight. After earlier, my heart is light.

Hearing his voice is like being wrapped in a rich warm blanket, the oldest, most comfortable, favorite.  It's got the power to blast my mind blank. We're so awkward with the talking.  We were awkward at everything, once upon a time. We get over it.

Is my head empty yet? It should be after earlier.  Just sloshing the last bits out.

I'm listening to Transcendental Blues, now.  I couldn't stay away. It fills my heart.  It's not all wonderful.  I've read the lyrics to "Everyone's in Love With You"  That's a little much.  Then there's "I Don't Want To Lose You Yet" which is the most perfect capture, the most hopeful, and the one I love the most.

I'm having fun here, listening and analyzing the lyrics, but I think I'm going to go immerse myself in the Scottish Highlands of 1743.  I love this book, Outlander.  Lots of lush setting and purple prose.  Breathless sexuality.  Darkwave moody mood passed.